VMAs on MTV: Where Have You Gone Arsenio Hall?

I Miss the VMA’s
By Jon Chattman

Nothing against the man, but Arsenio Hall used to wear the tackiest of hats whenever he hosted the MTV Video Music Awards. It didn’t matter. I miss those days. Since their inception up until about five years ago anyway, the VMA’s meant something. You could count on shock value along with kick ass performances which included surprising cameos. Pearl Jam with Neil Young is one such example. Above all else, you could always find the Best Video winner actually deserving whether it’s “Losing My Religion” by REM (above) or Van Halen’s tirade of “Right Now.” But all is lost in MTV land lately. The VMA’s are a popularity contest: an opportunity for stars to pimp out their new albums, and MTV stars to plug their mindless shows.

The Moonmen mean shit. It used to be cool. Now, everyone has one. I’m glad Britney Spears is alive and well, but who really gives a crap about her rather generic video “Piece of Me?” Is it really on par with “Land of Confusion” by Genesis and “Sledgehammer” by Peter Gabriel. Videos like that moved the industry forward. MTV with their past two winners of Video of the Year (Spears this year, Rihanna last year) set it back. Seriously, years from now we’re going to be talking about Rihanna dancing with an “Umbrella.” Methinks not.

“Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits we’re still talking about for the video, and frankly, I apologize, that song eats ass. No matter how many times I hear it, I hate it. Sting or not. Video, however, retro crazy cool. In any event, hopefully MTV will get their shit together next year. Russell Brand was an out-of-the-box choice to host the awards this year but he barely got golf claps last night. Jonah Hill’s appearance was a cheap pop to give Superbad fans an instant boner. My suggestion for next year? Go unscripted; get someone who can host the way Eddie Murphy and Hall and his crazy hat did, and try to get performers who are all worthy instead of flavors of the month who you won’t see this time, next week. And that pre-show? Please kill me. What ever happened to the pre- and post shows that were almost as good as the show itself. ie. Madonna and Courtney Love on the same stage with Kurt Loder. Priceless.

I could go on. My suggestion to host next year? Simon Cowell. At the very least, it’ll be unpredictable. Second, get performers who aren’t household names, and get people who’ve never performed together to….wait for it…perform together. Give me My Morning Jacket. Give me Beck. Give me Juliette and the Licks even. I want to see Jack White play with John Mayer. Weird shit you’ll be talking about the next day. That’s what made the VMA’s great. Finding out who Paris Hilton’s new BFF sure as shit isn’t.