Jon Rant: Don’t Mess with the Lohan

It’s been an amazing couple of months since The Book of ‘Bert’ was released. Between writing it, promoting it, and sleeping, breathing, and eating it, I’m ready to finally write a bit - well, other than posting sarcastic comments on celeb photos and writing up interviews and mustache-inspired content. Here’s what’s on my mind now… quick blow through my right ear and see if it goes through to the left.

• I wonder if anyone has used my headline yet. It’s genius. I take Zohan and make it Lohan. Mark my words someone printed it or will print it.
• I’m constantly amazed at the mustache exposure in the news lately. I’d like to think the pop had something to do with it. When the site was created no one was really talking ’staches yet. Well, almost no one. Jason Lee basically ushered in a new era. On a related note, I’m amazed at how many folks really love and admire mustaches. The mustache universe has welcomed me with open arms, and I spread my arms and fuzz to them as well.
• Willie Randolph deserved to be fired, but not like that.
• Summer movies don’t look promising - I hope they’re better than they look in the trailers. I can only watch Sideways so many times.
• I’ve started work on my new book. Guess I’m glutton for punishment.
• The Ting Tings album is the best of the summer. I don’t care what else comes out. Get MGMT, too.
• I’m enjoying the new Coldplay album, but would give anything for them to throw caution to the wind and rock out - like really rock out - they need to make their Achtung Baby.
• If there’s another strike in Hollywood, I’m definitely trying out for a reality show.
• When I was younger, I enjoyed skipping but when I do it now I look like a fool.
• With all the Rick rolls, why can’t that guy make a comeback. Power. Ballad. Now.
• Speaking of that, I’d like to see a Richard Marx roll. That guy’s mullet reportedly killed a man in the late 1980’s.
• Discussions are under way to improve the pop beyond my wildest imaginations.
• John Oates has been amazing for ‘Bert.’ His new solo album comes out in September, and if you listen on his MySpace page you will gain a new appreciation for him - you may even forgive him for shaving.
• I leave you with this…mustaches are the Jonathan Silverman of a man’s face. Every time you think they’re gone, they suddenly reappear.

More rants later. Seacrest out.